Missing You, Missing Me (You and Me Series Book 1) Read online

  “No way. I can barely take care of myself most days. That and I don’t want to be the dad who’s never around. I can’t stay in one place, so it’s probably a good idea to not reproduce.” I smiled and snuggled tighter into him. We were one in the same.

  “Same here. Although everyone else thinks they can decide for me.” Christopher returned to the front of my thoughts. Our conversation moved on to lighter things as we finished our trek back.

  “Mmm, you rock,” I told him as he climbed onto the bus still carrying me. He took me to the back, and I rolled onto the couch still in my shoes and nasty, sweaty stage clothes. He crept around, shutting the light off and left me to go to his bunk. I sighed and pushed back the aching desire to go to him, to squeeze into his bed with him.

  Chris flashed in my head for just a millisecond. His smile, memories of us when we were happy sped through like an old film reel. Guilt washed over me. I was married. I had promised to love only him. But did he make the same commitments?

  The curtain opened again, and Ethan tossed a blanket in to me and told me good night. I felt confused. Sometimes it was hot, the tension between us almost too much to handle. Then he would be cold, almost as if I was annoying him.

  “Thanks again for tonight. I needed this,” I said to him. He relaxed and chuckled low.

  “I knew it. I could see it in your eyes. They were telling me, take me to a drag show.” We locked eyes, and then he quickly, almost as if he was running away, pulled the curtain back into place. Shutting me out again.

  Chapter Five

  Himerus and Eros

  We were on the road before I woke up. No one asked where we had gone. I let them assume what they wanted. I didn’t want anyone ruining a fantastic night. At that club, I had seen a different side to Ethan. I couldn’t help but look at him differently now. He showed me he wasn’t just some hot bad boy. Ethan Andrews wasn’t just the sexy, smoldering rock star with pain in his eyes. He was a regular guy with a heart that had been ripped, cracked and broken many times over.

  We spent that summer having the times of our lives. I had never had more fun on tour as I had with this group of guys. My bandmates were happy too. We finally decided to call the song ‘Better Off Missing You”. Everyone loved the title. It was the last line in the chorus, so it worked well.

  The success we had with performing the song had inspired me to write more for my own band. I showed the guys some of it, and they were very enthusiastic about it. I felt on top of the world. Finally, after three long weeks of being non-stop on the road with only truck stop bathrooms to bathe in, we were told that since we had three days in between shows they were going to fly both bands out to California to get the song recorded.

  Some bigwigs had flown out to see us perform the song on the road. They were so happy with it that they wanted to get the gears rolling quickly. Sam had even mentioned they wanted to try to film the music video in that time too. I glanced at the schedule on his phone and my excitement deflated. He had us scheduled down to the very hour. It made me nervous. What if we couldn’t get the song finished in the time allotted? Would that put a kink in everything?

  The label put us all on a plane to California, it would only take a few hours, but it felt like an eternity. I couldn’t wait to take a hot shower. While touring, those were rare. Most of the time we were washing up with towels and dousing ourselves with body spray. I remembered to grab my clothes too. Hopefully, they could get washed while we were at the hotel.

  I took a nap on the plane to pass the time. Derek had to shake me awake. We took a cab to a hotel and quickly jumped out with our duffel bags to start heading into the building. I wasn't the only one excited for real showers and beds, if only for a few nights.

  The energy circling our group was infectious. The Chatter around us grew louder. I saw people taking pictures of us. There was a buzzing wherever we went. Everything was going great until we talked to the clerk at the desk. She had three rooms booked for our stay. Two rooms had two beds, and one room was a mini-suite with only one. That room was reserved under mine and Ethan’s names. Our group of eight were silent for a minute, taking the information in. Instantly I felt the heat rise to my face. I knew why they had done that. It seemed like everyone wanted us together. Suddenly I was very uncomfortable.

  The woman at the desk held out a handful of cards for room keys, and I backed away, bumping into Adrian. I didn’t want anything to do with sharing a room alone with Ethan. The silence was becoming awkward. Thankfully Adrian stepped up.

  “I call the single bed! All you guys can split the other rooms!” He said triumphantly, as he plucked a card out from her hands. With a huge sigh of relief, I took a card to a shared room and Christian took the other.

  With our luggage in tow, we headed towards the elevators. I walked next to Adrian while everyone else fell behind us. “Here,” he said, passing me the key card to the suite. I stared at it. I didn’t want this. Ethan and I weren’t together. Our so-called romance was strictly for show. He and I both agreed on this.

  “No thanks,” I said and tried to hand it back, but he refused.

  “Just take it. If it gets too weird, Ethan can switch rooms with me and I can share the super comfy suite bed with you. Or him, I don’t care,” he winked, and I sighed. That was probably the best scenario.

  “Fine. We’ll see,” I told him and stepped into the elevator.

  Looking at the cards, I saw that my room was on a higher floor than the others. I watched all of my friends get off on the floor just under mine. Ethan looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. “Should I go with them?” Ethan asked me. I rolled my eyes and gave up.

  “We can share the suite. Maybe there's a couch or something,” I said. Ethan shrugged and continued up with me to our room. We entered the suite and dropped our stuff. I had to admit, even though I was pretty pissed about it, this room was killer.

  It was huge, and more like a mini apartment than a hotel room. There was an actual bedroom, then a small living room area. To the far right was a kitchen, with a regular sized fridge and stove. As I walked around, I went into the bathroom to find that it was bigger than the one at my house! I was in heaven. I couldn’t wait to get into a hot, steamy shower. I returned to the living room. Ethan was pulling clothes out of his bag, tossing them onto the couch. Guilt washed over me. If anything, I would take the couch. It was only fair since I was the one upset about the situation.

  When he saw me watching him, he straightened and smiled at me. Without really meaning to I took a good look at him. He was looking hot as usual, with the standard ripped t-shirt and tight jeans. I probably looked a mess with my slick, greasy hair and stained shirt. If he noticed, he pretended he didn’t. I looked away quickly.

  “Hey you. You ready for the first real shower in weeks?” He laughed. The life of musicians wasn’t as fun and glamorous as people thought. It involved way more dirt and sweat than people saw. Thank God for deodorant and Febreze.

  “Yes! I call first dibs. I need hot water,” I told him as I grabbed my bag.

  “We could share the shower,” Ethan said to my back. I whipped my head around with my eyes wide.

  “What did you just say?” I demanded. He pursed his lips before erupting into laughter. He moved to hold his gut as he bent over. I relaxed and hurled a pillow from one of the chairs at him before hurrying to the bathroom.

  I tried my hardest to enjoy the hot water, but my thoughts kept going back to the man in the next room. Was he as nervous as I was about sharing a room? Did it bother him? No sooner had Ethan disappeared from my mind did Christopher take his place. No doubt he’ll be pissed when he sees the music video, or the stupid tabloids. I was already imagining the ridiculous headlines.

  ‘Cleo And Ethan - Scandalous Love Affair’; ‘Cleo: Pregnant with Triplets!’ ‘Emo Prince Weds Punk Rock Princess In Secret Wedding.’ People would eat that garbage up. Anything to make a sale.

  I stayed in the shower for almost half an hour. The cascade of hot
water was heaven. When I finally turned the faucets off and grabbed my towel, I already missed it. Wrapping a towel around me, I stepped out of the bathroom. Ethan was in a recliner facing away from me. He was leaning over the coffee table. He must not have heard me open the door because he didn’t turn.

  It gave me the opportunity to check him out again. Ethan Andrews was so sexy. Toned, covered in tattoos, and his nose and lip were pierced. How he walked, how he talked; everything about him drew me in. Don’t get me started on his voice. When he got on stage and sang the songs his band created, I would let him take me right on the stage if he asked. Hypothetically, of course. I respected him, I reminded myself as he stood up and stretched. We were only colleagues. Nothing else. Not anymore.

  He turned slightly and jumped when he saw me staring at him. I looked away quickly and hurried to the bedroom as he lunged for the little box on the table. I heard him snap it shut as I closed the door.

  I pulled out the brand new clothes Sam had given me courtesy of the record label. When he handed me the bag, I was weary at first. I didn’t want anybody to turn me into some bubblegum pop princess. I didn’t want to become the next Duchess. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a black t-shirt, black leather jacket, some black and white striped skinny jeans and a pair of suede booties. It was a little more girly than I usually would wear but still close enough to my style that I would wear it.

  I laid the items on the bed and began drying myself off. Pulling the towel off of my head I realized that I had left the hair dryer in the bathroom. Stepping out of my room I saw that Ethan was gone, but I could hear the shower running.

  Holding on to my towel tightly with one hand I decided to knock. He didn’t answer. Just as I had stepped back, the door was ripped open. I jumped, startled and then I started laughing.

  Ethan was standing in the doorway, in a towel, looking impatient. He was wearing a shower cap, and as my eyes lowered, I saw he had also put on the complimentary fluffy white slippers. I laughed as he tried to keep a straight face. He crossed his arms over his heavily tattooed chest.

  “Did you need something? I have a routine, and you are breaking it,” he said as seriously as he could muster. His lips twitched as he tried so hard not to smile.

  “I need the hairdryer,” I told him and shook his head.

  “No can do. It’s my bathroom time. You can have it when I'm done,” he said and began closing the door. I lunged forward quickly and snatched the purple cap off of his head. He tried to grab it back, falling out of the doorway. I pulled away and moved deeper into the room. He took chase, and I squealed as I turned and tried to move faster. His fingers touched my towel, but I pulled away quickly and ran into my bedroom giggling. I jumped onto the bed and waved the cap like a little purple flag. One hand was clutching my towel for dear life, while the other holding his cap. I dared him to come get it.

  He raised an eyebrow at the door. He wouldn’t dare come in. He dove at me, knocking us both down to the mattress. I gasped in shock. Somehow he managed to pin me under him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his bright orange towel was falling off the edge of the bed. With a mischievous grin, he moved my hand towards the middle of my body and snatched the shower cap out of my fingers with his teeth. He pressed his body against mine. Our noses touched as we locked eyes.

  He was so hot. Hot and naked. Hot, naked, and aroused. On top of me. The only thing between us was my lavender towel. We stared at each other for a moment as we both realized this. Finally, he kissed me quickly on the nose and leaped off of the bed snatching his towel quickly. Not fast enough, because as I sat up, I saw his massive erection. How did I not remember that? Was there anything wrong with this guy? I swear I had yet to find a flaw.

  My body was already responding to him. I was this close to joining him in his shower but chickened out in the end. That was not how I wanted our first… well not first, or second. No, not any time. There wasn’t a next time. Why did I have to keep reminding myself this?

  Once I calmed myself down, I realized he still had the hair dryer. With a sigh, I decided to get ready without it. Pulling on my clothes, I did my hair and makeup and exited the bedroom.

  I tried to watch TV to take my mind off of him, but I couldn’t stop thinking of him… it… no him. Definitely him. Looking around the living room, I noticed he had already unpacked. His clothes placed neatly on the side table next to the couch. His cell phone lay on the table on the other side next to his little wooden box. Before I could decide whether to pry or not, he came out fully dressed.

  He came to relax with me on the couch. We made small talk, but the tension was still there. He was clearly still attracted to me. As was I to him. Maybe one of us should trade rooms with Adrian. This was exactly what the label had wanted, I frowned.

  A joke on TV made him laugh. I forced a chuckle, but I had no idea what was going on in the show. I couldn’t focus with him here. He nudged my shoulder with his, and it was like a jolt of lightning. I jumped a bit. This was bad. I couldn’t go down this road. I wasn’t like Christopher.

  Suddenly I thought about Duchess. I remembered her face when she saw us holding hands. She had been crushed. Is that how Ethan was when he found out about Chris? That led to me thinking about all the other women who had gotten the pleasure of experiencing all that Ethan offered after me.

  “When did you start dating Duchess?” I asked him, trying to sound casual. I felt him tense up next to me. He turned to eye me carefully.

  “Why are you asking?” He asked instead of answering. My eyes narrowed.

  “Why aren’t you telling me?” His eyes darted away.

  “Because it doesn’t matter. It’s over,” he groaned. “We weren’t good together.”

  I turned my body to face him completely. “I thought you said it was a while before you started dating her,” I said, not letting it drop. He looked away guiltily. I noticed he had moved away from me. Before we were almost cuddling, now he was a good foot away from me.

  “Well, not exactly. After Christmas they flew us back out here to record some stuff. She was at a party. We were introduced. You’re getting angry. Why bring this up now?”

  The room fell silent. We broke up on Christmas. Ethan wasn’t as hurt as he made it sound after all. I don’t know why but it bothered me. He wasn’t pining for me. He practically jumped into bed with her at his first chance. My insecurities kicked in.

  Duchess was the biggest star around these days. Perfect face, flawless body, millions of fans. Sure, most of her songs were auto-tuned, but that didn’t mean her fame was any less daunting. I was a nobody compared to her.

  “Wow. You gave me so much crap about being with Chris so quickly, but it was okay for you to hook up with Duchess right away?” I said, accusingly.

  “That’s different,” he said flatly, shifting further away. His face soured.

  “How is it different? It’s no different, Ethan.” I glared at him. He stood up and moved to the other couch, laying down to stare at the ceiling.

  “She isn’t like you see on TV. We never had anything meaningful. That’s the difference. You loved Chris. I never loved Dixie,” he said.

  The room fell silent. He was right. It felt like everything I had been avoiding this summer was finally out. That was why I couldn’t call him. Why I was avoiding thinking about Christopher. He broke my heart. I loved him with everything I had, and he didn’t love me.

  “Is that what you think?” I asked.

  “I don’t think anything. I know,” he snapped. He moved off of the couch and went to the window. Refusing to look my way.

  “I liked you for years. Since the first time we saw you play. I was like fifteen. At that battle of the bands. Do you remember?” He paused, giving me time to think about it. I did. It was just a little gig. Five different bands, five hundred dollar prize. We needed the money to pay for some new equipment. In the end, it was us against Cruel Distraction. They won. It was what started our little friendly feud. It was a good memo
ry. I remembered how cute I thought he was, but I was dating Steve at the time.

  “You have no idea how much I wished you’d give me the time of day. Just once. Just one extra look or smile. But it was always someone else. Adrian, the guys, or any of the other boyfriends you had. When I finally had your attention, I thought it meant something. Every time we snuck off together I fell more in love with you. I thought you wanted to be with me. But then you took off. You were just in my bed, and you took off to be with another guy. You were so cold. You didn’t care about me.” He turned back to look at me. I opened my mouth to argue, but he continued.

  “It messed me up. Having to look at your name every day, seeing what I screwed up. Not knowing what was wrong with me. So yeah, I found someone who did want me, Cleo. Even if it was just my body and my name. Is that so bad?” He demanded, stepping towards me. I looked down, ashamed of what I had said to him. What I had done to him.

  “Ethan, I am so sorry. It wasn’t intentional. It just…”

  “It just what? Wasn't what you pictured? Was it just me that you didn’t like? Why didn’t you love me?” He yelled, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up and pushed past him to leave. I don’t know how this conversation got this far, but I wasn’t going to sit here and let him scream at me.

  “Oh, just leave again. Sweet. Do exactly what you always do,” he said, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned back.

  “Screw you, Ethan. Don’t try to pretend you know everything. You have no freaking clue!” I said and stormed out. I slammed the door shut and fell back against it, slinking to the floor. I put my head down between my legs and sobbed.