Missing You, Missing Me (You and Me Series Book 1) Read online

  I looked away quickly when Derek came and tapped my shoulder. Turning to him, I forced a smile. He and my other bandmates had been cleaned up as well to stand with me as my brides men. I loved it.

  I was helped into place, and they flipped my veil over my face. The music started, and Paul yelled “Action!”. I started down the aisle, slowly with that forced smile. I couldn’t stop thinking about Duchess. Why was she doing this?

  I reached the end of the aisle and started up the three small steps to reach Ethan. Paul yelled “Cut!” and repositioned us to get the shot.

  The music started back up, and Ethan raised my veil. We both were smiling ear to ear until our eyes met and our faces fell. Paul was ecstatic over our reactions. Quickly we did as Paul had envisioned. Richard took Ethan’s place, and I held Richard’s hand, mouthing the song. I looked past the model. This was all starting to feel too real.

  Suddenly there was a loud boom, and the music stopped short. Everyone looked towards the noise on the other side of the set. Ethan stormed through the doors, his hair wild, his shirt unbuttoned. I pulled away from Richard. Everyone's eyes were on Ethan. He held a hand up to stop us. He was breathing heavily, his determined eyes locked on mine. The room was deafeningly silent. Finally, after what felt like forever Paul yelled cut, and people began clapping. Ethan straightened and smoothed his hair back.

  People came over and helped me down, and Ethan took his place back at the altar while Duchess was then filmed walking down the aisle and then meeting Ethan. I was still so confused until Ethan suddenly dropped her hands and rushed out of the room. I realized then that they would edit the scenes all together so that he ran out of his wedding to stop mine. I loved it. I couldn’t wait to see the finished product.

  Thankfully, the director yelled cut and “That’s a wrap everybody!” Chatter began immediately, and people were moving quickly around to start breaking down the set.

  I looked around, but Ethan was nowhere to be found. Neither was Duchess. Mark walked towards me. He was already undoing his bow tie. “Finally. I need a cigarette,” he said. “You coming?” I shrugged, looking for Ethan as I followed him outside.

  It was a nice and quiet when we stepped out. The sun was starting to fade. Filming had taken all day. A few people passed by. I saw one take a picture with their phone, but I didn't care. I was too tired. Mark must have also been because he didn't try to make small talk. We were only outside a few minutes before we heard people step out chattering loudly. Mark pulled me away from the door and behind some large crates.

  I turned to him and smiled thoughtfully. “Thanks, but I think I’m going to head in. I should probably change into my clothes. They’ll kill me if I get this dress dirty,” I told him but froze when I heard an all to familiar voice.

  “It’s all an act. I feel bad for her,” Duchess said. My eyes widened. I glanced over to Mark who had stomped out his cigarette and swore. He grabbed my hand and tried pulling me forward, but I couldn’t move.

  “Come on. She’s just jealous,” Mark muttered, but I didn’t budge. I had to hear what she had to say.

  “Oh, but it’s so romantic. They still love each other after all this time. Plus, the tattoos. I saw them in concert two weeks ago. There was definite chemistry,” the girl argued. Duchess laughed. “It’s all one big story the label came up with. She had that tattoo way before she met Ethan Andrews. The Ethan she was stupid enough to get inked on herself was some loser who took her virginity at fourteen. Both bands were signed at the same time. The label saw an opportunity. They paid Ethan ten grand to get that tattoo. All of this was done for one thing. Money. He can’t stand her in real life,” she claimed. I stood next to Mark in shock. Why would she say all of these things? Why was she so mean? I knew the truth, but her words still hurt. I blinked the tears away and shook my head. I was not going to let her get to me. I refused to let it bother me.

  “Wow, I had no clue. I really thought there was something there.”

  “Nope. I mean, you’ve seen her mouth. Who would enjoy kissing that? Has she not heard of veneers?” They burst into laughter. Ouch, I flinched. That stung. It wasn’t anything I haven’t heard before but coming from her was a little too much to take. My hands reflexively went to my mouth. I felt one lone tear slide down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

  “Don’t believe everything you read in those magazines. Ethan and I are as solid as ever,” Duchess told her after they finished laughing at me.

  “Oh Duchess, I am so happy for you. I was worried!” The girl exclaimed.

  “Don’t be. Ethan would never pick her over me,” she stated. A few seconds later I smelled cigarette smoke. She must have come out here to smoke too.

  Mark stepped out from behind the boxes and pulled me along with a little more force than before. Duchess turned her head slightly and flicked her ash in our direction. She had slipped out of her dress and was standing in just her undergarments. She still looked like she could walk down a runway right now if asked. Looking at us her eyes rolled, but no other part of her face moved. She took a long drag of her cigarette and continued ignoring us.

  She knew we were there, I realized in shock. She knew. That’s why she said all those awful things. Instead of giving her the satisfaction, I decided to pretend that I hadn’t heard her. She didn’t acknowledge me. That was her tactic. Intimidation. I strode back inside and hurried to my dressing room to take the dress off.

  Changing back into my street clothes, I waited for everyone else. About an hour later everybody was squeezing into one vehicle. Sam got into the packed van with us. I groaned, moving to sit on Derek’s lap. “Okay, so we fly out first thing tomorrow morning. So be ready to leave the hotel at four am. We still have to finish this tour. Good job everyone. I think we have something here,” he told us.

  When we got back to the hotel, all I wanted to do was take a nice long bath, get into some clean pajamas and get a decent night’s sleep before we went back to the bittersweet tour bus. I needed to forget about this day.

  Maria Maria took a separate elevator than Cruel Distraction. Mark held my hand and squeezed it periodically. I looked up at him and smiled half-heartedly. “I’ll be okay,” I tried reassuring him. His face looked like he didn’t believe me. He asked me out loud if I wanted company before they stepped off onto their floor. Derek turned and gave us a questioning look.

  “Hell no. I want one night without all of you. I need one night to myself,” I joked, and that seemed to relax him. He let go of my hand, leaving with the others to his room. In all my life, I would never have better friends.

  Once in my room, I took a luxuriously hot bath, using the oils and fancy shampoo the hotel provided. I picked out my comfiest pajamas and fell asleep watching a movie, trying to forget about the mess and stress of the last few days. I hadn’t seen Ethan since we left the studio lot.

  I woke up with a start! Bolting up, I tried to focus. Someone was opening the door to the hallway. I climbed out of bed and went to the edge of the bedroom door, peaking my head out just a bit. Instantly my fears slipped away. Ethan.

  I was such an idiot. Stepping out, I glared at him. “You scared the crap out of me! Do you know what time it is?” I scolded. He stared at me blankly.

  “We’re sharing a room. How did I scare you?” He said, amused.

  “Oh, shut up. I’m going back to bed.” I turned back towards the room.

  “Today was horrible,” he said. Grinding the sleep out of my eyes, I turned.

  “Ethan,” I started and looked up into his big blue eyes. They were red-rimmed like he had been crying. I stopped talking. He was worn and tired. He must have been up all night.

  “That video was a little too real. It’s what I should have done,” he said. I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about this. We couldn’t keep going over what could have been.

  “Ethan, we can’t change it,” I said softly.

  “Why not? Do you still want to be with him? After what he did?” He demanded a response
. I recoiled away.

  “And what are we doing Ethan? I'm no better than him!”

  “Yes, yes you are. How do you not see it?” He yelled back at me. His eyes were welling up again. I looked away quickly. He didn’t know what he was talking about. “Why are you trying so hard to stay away from me?” He asked, taking a step towards me. He was breathing heavy.

  “Ethan, what happened yesterday…”

  “What happened is that you kissed me back. Not stage Cleo, real Cleo,” he said, his voice hard. He was right, I thought. I wanted him too. I shook my head.

  “I shouldn’t have. It was…”

  “A mistake? Because I don’t think it was. Cleo, I have wanted to kiss you, really kiss you, since we started the tour a month ago. Every time I see you I want to be with you. Holding your hand, playing with your hair. I want you to cuddle with me. Not your friends. Not stupid fucking Chris. Me. I know you feel something too. I know you do.”

  I gulped, not knowing how to respond. I wanted those things too. But we couldn’t. We shouldn’t. This could all end so badly. I shook my head at him. This wouldn’t work, Ethan and I. It never did.

  “Tell me. I need to hear you say that you felt nothing,” Ethan demanded, stepping towards me again. His eyes blazing. I glared back at him, and my chin began to tremble. I couldn’t talk to him when he was like this.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied and took a step back, but he matched my steps, keeping himself close. He grabbed my wrist. Lightly, but firm. He placed his other hand on my waist, pulling me into his body. I didn’t move away. He pressed me to him.

  “Let me remind you,” he took one hand off my waist to lift my chin. His kiss was gentle, like a whisper. My heart slowed down. When he pulled back, I paused before returning his kiss with a firmer one of my own. Our kisses became frantic and felt long overdue. It felt like we both knew our time alone was precious. His hand moved off of my wrist to my hip. His fingers toyed with the bottom of my sweater. Slowly they slipped underneath and started creeping higher, teasing me. He stopped at my belly button, pulling his hand out.

  He groaned and urged me gently backward, towards the bedroom. I didn’t want to stop kissing him. I felt like someone who had been lost in a desert and had finally stumbled upon a well. A well that was always full and had a cold glass waiting for me to take a drink.

  Something in me had awakened. I wanted Ethan. I needed him to keep kissing me, touching me. I let him push me closer to the bed. Falling on the fluffy pillows, I quickly darted towards the head of the bed. Ethan climbed on top of me and pressed his body against mine. He kissed me deeply. I opened my mouth, and he moaned my name. His lips moved lower. He kissed my chin, then my neck.

  “You’re a song I can’t get out of my head. A melody I hum in my sleep,” he lowered himself to my waist, kissing the skin peeking out. I arched my back letting him remove my sweater. It was happening so fast. Both of us frantic to get the other naked. Almost as if we paused for even a second one of us would realize what a horrible idea this was. I knew it was, but I didn’t care. I needed him, and he needed me.

  My top was off, and Ethan sat up, quickly removing his shirt. He leaned back down to kiss my collarbone and right as his lips started traveling towards my breasts, we heard someone.

  “Oh shit. Sorry! Fuck. Oh shit.” It was Derek. I let out a scream, grabbing my sweater. Ethan rolled over and swore. Adjusting my clothes, I hurried out. Derek stood by the door to the hallway looking everywhere but at us. He was holding two coffees in tall paper cups.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him and only then did he look my way. “We got thirty minutes before we have to leave. Adrian sent me to come wake you up. Uh, here,” he said, handing me my coffee. I turned to see Ethan going into the bathroom. He shut the door loudly. Mortification flooded my face as he immediately started the shower. He needed a cool down apparently.

  I glared at Derek who lifted his shoulders as if to say, “How was I supposed to know you’d be making out with the guy who you kept saying was just a friend?”

  “What?” I snapped, and he put his hands up. One hand still holding his coffee.

  “Nothing. I’m heading back down. See you in a bit.” Turning the door handle, he opened it.

  “You’re going to go tell the guys,” I sighed, not asking.

  “Yep,” he said, stepping out before I could protest. Taking a long sip of my way too sweet coffee, I got to work packing my things. Ethan came out twenty minutes later fully dressed but hair still wet. He looked at me and gave me a half smile.

  “My friends have no boundaries,” I told him, and he agreed.

  “Yeah, I figured that out a while ago.” We chuckled and finished packing up.

  A few minutes later there was a loud, obnoxious knock. Mark and Adrian opened the door and kept it open just enough to poke their heads in. They looked around and found us. They had huge grins on their faces. “Are we good to come in?” Adrian asked.

  “Is everyone fully dressed?” Mark added. I glared and went to shut the door. They laughed, opening it all the way. They came in with their bags in tow. Soon Cruel Distraction joined us.

  As soon as we all had a head count, we headed down to the shuttle bus that took us to the airport. Most of this was done in relative silence. Everyone was exhausted, and we had a concert tonight.

  Once we were back on the tour bus, everyone was back in high spirits. By that time everyone had heard Derek’s story of catching us. Every time we tried to talk or sit next to each other someone would come interrupt or lie between us. They were all getting a huge kick out of it. Eventually, we gave up and decided to relax with the gang. Someone made a joke about Christian’s beard, and Ethan piped in with his own opinion.

  “Shut up, cold shower,” Christian spit back. The bus erupted into laughter. Ethan flipped him off but then glanced at me across the bus. He smiled, making my chest flutter. With that, I stood up and walked over to where he had been sitting with Mark and Seth, discussing music. Ethan was strumming his acoustic while Mark was tapping his hands on the table, making a beat.

  He stopped when I came over, and I took the guitar out of his hands, setting it down on the floor next to him. He watched me curiously. With everyone looking at us I sat down on his lap. Wrapping my arms around Ethan's neck, I planted a firm kiss on his lips. I didn’t care anymore. The room fell deathly quiet.

  “I missed you,” I whispered. He grinned and kissed me back.

  “I missed you too.”

  Chapter Seven

  Back To You

  It didn’t take long, but Ethan and I were the topic of conversation once the tour picked back up. We weren’t trying to hide our feelings for each other anymore while on the bus. Our bandmates were soon complaining, so we took the back room most of the time.

  The music video aired on TV and uploaded to the internet within a week of filming it. Sam called the next day to tell us that thousands had already downloaded the song and the video had over a quarter of a million views in one day. The world loved it. He was already talking about magazine features and guest appearances. I was too excited and frankly too shocked to pay attention to all his ramblings. I was going to go with the flow.

  However, each day after the video was released a sense of dread grew in the pit of my stomach.

  When I first left for the tour, Christopher would text and call me at least once a day. Since the video, there had been nothing. He was mad. His abrupt silence told me more than any phone call would. I tried to put it out of my mind and enjoy the little time in the spotlight I was getting, but sometimes my guilt would come up and rush over me. I was still married, yet every night after the show I was rushing to be with Ethan. The more time that passed between his last call was making me feel worse and better at the same time. I loved my husband. He was charming, handsome and smart. He still married me after the tattoo and loved me despite my many flaws. I think this was the final straw. Maybe his silence was the message. He di
dn’t call because he didn’t care. Finally, after two weeks, I stopped checking my phone. I didn't want to bother anymore. I wanted to be free, to let myself fall for Ethan. So that’s what I did.

  At a stop in Dallas, all eight of us got buzzed and wandered into a sex shop. We had lots of laughs playing with all the various toys. At different moments each drunk band member wanted me to try on this or that. I rolled my eyes and kept browsing until I found some men's underwear that looked like an elephant. They were gray thongs with eyes, flappy material for ears, and a long pouch in the front to serve as the trunk.

  “If all of you guys try these on,” I teased. “I will think about it.” I didn’t expect any of the seven guys to take me up on the offer. I moved on to the stripper shoes, thinking back to Chelsea Sometimes and whether I could rock them like she did when Seth, the one with a slight beer gut and an adorable baby face, grabbed the underwear from the bin.

  “Sold!” He went to the register where a cute redhead with a pixie cut was laughing having heard our conversation. The rest of our group looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and all grabbed themselves a pair. My chest was thumping. I never thought they would. My guys wouldn’t have done it without the other band. Men get brave when around other men.

  I stood at the shoes and watched as even sweet, shy Spencer was rung up. They all stood in line with their arms folded over their chests, looking at me.

  I raised my eyebrows and folded my arms in defiance. “I said you had to wear them,” I smiled in satisfaction. We walked here.

  There was a devilish glint in every one of their eyes. I frowned as I realized where I had messed up. None of these men had any shame. They were used to everyone looking at them. I looked to Ethan to plead for him to save me but he just shook his head with a smirk. Ethan didn’t take his eyes off of mine as he went to the counter and in a loud voice asked the girl. “Do you have a dressing room we could use?”